these few days had been like being out on the rocky seas on a sampan.... dayung sampan...dayung dayung sampan... -_-

ANYWAY... 1 month back, i applied for this position with MOE... last week, i received an email from them, asking me to write a freaking essay on my achievements and values n beliefs etc... u know? i was realli excited cuz i tot this meant i had a chance! den my fren reminded me its onli an essay.. SO.. i worked realli hard on the essay on sunday morning.. cuz of the chalet from fri to sat.. and the deadline was like 8am on monday morning! so i was quite anxious to finish it.. finalli sent it on sun nite.. thinking dat they shd take another 2 weeks to reply me...

den mon 5am, woke up wif a sharp pain in the lower abdomen.. i tot stomache, so i went toilet.. but after a wh ile, i started feeling faint from the pain! it was realli realli painful.. like all energy were drained from my limbs and i was ready to collapse in the damp n stinky toilet! i managed to walk back to the living room bfore letting myself fall on the sofa.. n started calling for help.. by dat time.. the pain was unbearable... my mum came to my rescue.. my sis slept thru the whole thing! stupid sister. haha.. at least sy woke up n took a look at me. haha.. anyway, i figured it was my cramps acting up again.. cuz it was not the 1st time it happened.. so my mum fed me panadols... yes fed me cuz i couldnt even sit up straight... after a while i felt better... meaning still hurt like anything but i can stand up la.. den went to work...

den mon n tues.. i was deciding to quit or not to quit. actualli i was so sick of the job aleadi, i juz wanted to quit there n then. but of cuz i couldnt do dat.. and even if i could, i hadnt the guts to do it! i keep feeling like it's terrible of me to quit when my boss had been so nice to offere to switch me from the clinic side to the lab.. but then again, he had been saying dat for months.. i cant keep on waiting for things to happen rite? besides, the more i see things go in the lab, the more i dun wanna get in.. it was all so dull.. and my pay is terrible.. and i wun haf any career advancement in this at all cuz i'm onli a bachelor! not even an honors or masters.. sigh.. den i finalli decided to quit.. but my mind was still trying to get over the internal obstacle of thinking myself as a selfish and unreasonable brat who wans to quit when her boss is so nice. ARGH!

den today, moe called n say to go for interview next tues.. i was veri happy! n i told my colleagues abt my plans.. but they say i shd stay till i find a job.. but i feel dat i might hurry into another job dat i dun realli like juz bcuz i wanted to get out of dat place! if i am more comfortable and happy, i will be able to make better judgements.

actualli, i'm still scared shit out of my pants. i dunno whether this is the correct decision or not. i onli know this is realli wad i wanna do.. so.. pls hope for me dat i will be able to do it.. >_<