today was a crazy day... P1 Orientation Day is over.. but the after effects are gonna take a toil on all of us EAS.. but i muz tell myself everyday, i can do it, i can do it!

i'm not the only one who feels dat gg to work is like gg to war.. one day when i was leaving office, one of the clerks said, "bye! 明天再来打仗吧..".. and at dat moment, i was also thinking the same thing as i tapped my card to record my time-out..

i feel like when i step into the office, the 1st 10 mins is peaceful. after 10mins.. u can feel a bit of stir.. then 15mins, the wind gets a bit stronger.. after half an hour, a full hurricane juz whirls into the office and spins crazily all the way till 6pm. or maybe it's juz my mental state. haha.

recently haf been OT-ing a bit.. and oso bring work back home to do.. but somehow still feel that boss think i eat snake lidat... i dun understand y he is lidat.. but cm says i dun need to mind how other ppl view me.. as long as i do my things. i dun need him to notice my hard work. dun need him to appreciate me. i can be strong and face all the workload. so.. i mus!!

anyway, after the orientation.. i went home.. feeling so drained out, physically and mentally.. today i was realli depressed. i thot that it was a big mistake to take on this job. y did i apply for a management job when i dun haf the calibre of a manager. i dun even like leadership for goodness'sake. mabe i dun haf any calibre at all. i'm juz a weak good-4-nthg. =( but smthg good happened in the end.. me n cm went for scruumpilious dinner of wanton mee and supper of beef hor fun. and i bot a new luggage bag! actually i wanted a brown checkered duffle luggage bag, brand is called bchp or smthg. veri cheap. but no stock aleadi.. so i had to buy another one.. it's grey with light grey stripes.. i think it's quite nice too. n cheap! now the only worry is dat it's not big enuff for me.. haha. anyway, i'm juz very glad dat at the end of a day's hard work, i haf someone to console all my tiredness away.. and dats the reason for my smile everyday =)




recently had been a rocky sea of stress and mood swings..from work and family and frens. but then again, who doesn't? everyone in this world faces stress at some point of time.. altho i'm realli tired.. and demoralized after all these, i still think everything happened for a reason.. it is for me to know who are the ones who understand me, to know who are the ones who care and worry abt me.

maybe in a lot of ways i'm less fortunate than some ppl. but i have gotten the best things in life which money cant buy.. if all my luck has been spent on locating the ppl who cared abt me.. i would think it's worth it.




i look ok, i laugh, i joke. but u may notice that sometimes i look cranky, getting uptight for no reasons, etc.

i'm on the verge of breaking down. i know when u r reading this, u r probably thinking "i've been through much worst than her, what has she got to complain abt?" i dunno how much worse u've gone through, but this is not a comparison contest. u can break down with stress too, none of my business.

cant take it anymore..

and the worst thing is dat, no one believes u when u say u r too tied up with work, u r too tired after work. they just think "u r busy, so what? i'm busier. i've got this and this and this. what haf u got."

i dun understand why when i tell someone i'm really stressed up, and i've got too much things to do at work, they always return by saying "well at least u don't have to do *their own jobs*.. i've got this BLAH and that SHIT and this deadline.." and zzzzz it goes on.

and then wad? do they juz wan me to return by saying "well i've got all those u've got, and this project, plus dat deadline, and this that this that to complete.." ??
i dun mind losing in this kind of competition! in the end how does it end? they always want to hear things like "yeah u are really too overloaded with work. u haf to take care of urself. poor thing, u need a break. they r too much..blah blah" and other vocab meant for consolation. why havent u stop n think, maybe that's wad i wanted to hear from u too? i came seeking for comfort, u turn ard and say, "u shd comfort me instead, and i won't stop until u admit u are better off" wth?

some ppl juz dun get it. i'm one of them i think.

and i despise teachers more and more. sorry to frens who are teachers-to-be. i'm not refering to u. onli those jerks.

when u r young, everything is possible. when u r older, everything is juz ugly.
it is very sad to find out dat this world has turn its back on u, but then again, u will also learn who is really on ur side, thinking for ur well-being. u muz treasure these ppl.

i will try to be strong.. am trying.. forced to be strong.. wonder how long can i last..




havent blogged in more than a week.. have got nthg to blog about.. except dat i've been really busy.. and sian.. y is life so boring.. juz work, eat, sleep. wake up, work eat sleep. it repeats itself everyday! and the work is nv-ending! work come, done halfway, another work come, 1st one done, 2nd done halfway, 3rd one comes.. blah blah n so on. it's like i'm making up for all the times i've spent slacking at ORI, having such an easy time then.. argh i'm mad.. when i was in ORI. i didn't felt dat I was having an easy time.. i know they always say grass like greener on the other side.. but now i'm jealous of myself? gosh i am really really crazy..

ok muz get back to reality. complain oso no use.. tml dat auntie will not be there anymore.. she's going to another sec sch near her own home. well, less than a week ago i was juz saying i cant wait for her to go.. now she's really gone. so unexpected. why is life so weird, things can happen so suddenly. cm says this is normal. but to me, normal means, everything is gg the way u plan it. even if smthg happens, u r aleadi aware of it/u can handle it/everything will turn out good.. mabe i'm too much of a control-freak, wanting to know and grasp every aspect of my life.. to know wads coming up next. or mabe i'm juz too afraid to wait n see..

there is this girl in sch.. pri 6 this year.. she's got a muscle degeneration kind of disease.. i was one of the panel judge for the P. Arts awards.. and when she talked abt liuqin being unable to solo a whole song, i interjected her and said dat was not true, there were songs dat liuqin can solo, and when she learns to be better, she can play them too.. but i didn't know.. she cannot play the liuqin anymore.. who am i to ask her to improve on her skills, when she's aleadi been through much more than juz dat? she's prob been through more than me and others older than her. who am i to tell her to try harder? when i am complaining dat life is too hard on me? i really am an idiot..